St Petersburg, Russia
07 April, 2016 (morning)
Gadadhara Pandit's Appearance Day 

Gadadhara Pandit is an incarnation of Srimati Radhika. In Krsna-lila, he is Srimati Radhika, and in Gaura-lila, She is acting the role of Gadadhara Pandit. And Gadadhara, he has so much love and affection with Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu. Even in Navadvip-lila, and also Jagannath Puri lila, He is always staying with Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu. Mahaprabhu’s lila is very sweet also. Krsna-lila, maybe some doubts will come, sometimes very difficult to reconcile by yourself. If you read Krsna-lila or listen Krsna-lila, sometimes you may be confused and very difficult to reconcile also. 

However in Gaura-lila, Mahaprabhu lila is very sweet because Krsna is Bhagavan. This is a fact. And He did not follow any rules and regulations, because He is Bhagavan, He is Supreme Personality of Godhead. Same Krsna has come in the form of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu, who is acting the role as like bhakta, bhakta-rupa, bhakta-lila. That means, Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu, He is showing to us how to chant holy names, how to do bhajan and sadhan. Everything step by step Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu had shown to us by His example. Brahmacari life, grhasta life, then sannyas life. 

Krsna-lila very difficult to understand. Especially Krsna in Vrndavan, if He is brahmacari, grhasta, vanaprastha or sannyasi, very difficult to understand. Krsna told to the gopis, “I am pukka brahmacari, pure brahmacari.” And Krsna has proven also. Understand?
Once, the gopis prepared many kinds of preparations and they are going to feed Durvasa Rsi, who was staying on the other side of the Yamuna river. That time Yamuna river was completely full of water and strong current also there. No boat, nothing. So the gopis were thinking, “How will we cross the Yamuna river?” Then Krsna, He was playing on the bank of Yamuna. The gopis asked Krsna, “He Gopal, tell us, how we will cross the Yamuna river? The reason is because a very excellent and very famous sadhu has come to Vraj. We have to feed him with some some of our preparations. So we have brought this nice prasad to feed the sadhu but how will we be able to cross the Yamuna river? Krsna replied, “Dont worry, just go to the front of Yamuna river, pay your obeisances and very humbly asked, “Hey! Yamuna-devi, if our beloved Govinda is pukka brahmacari, then give us a path to go through. The gopis retorted, “How is it possible to ask these things? And how is it possible Yamuna-devi will give us the path? We know what kind of brahmacari, grhasta, vanaprastha or sannyasi you are. We have realization. You stole our clothes, stealing here these things, so how possible to tell to Yamuna that our beloved Krsna is a brahmacari?” Then Krsna said, “If you have no faith, don’t go but if you have faith in My words, go. Yamuna-devi will give the path to you. Just tell these things”. 

Some gopis were thinking, “Oh Krsna always speaks the truth. What He is saying must be the truth”. Understand? Krsna proclaimed, “I will protect all the Brajavasis from any kind of calamity that will come”. And He protects us. This is true or not? Krsna protects the Vrajavasis if any calamity, any problem comes. 
viṣa-jalāpyayād vyāla-rākṣasād
varṣa-mārutād vaidyutānalāt 
vrsa-mayatmajad visvato bhayad
rsabha te vayam raksita muhuh
(Gopi-Gita 3)
[“O Rsabha (greatest of personalities), You have time and again protected us from various dangers, including the waters of the Yamuna river which were contaminated by the poison of Kaliya, the man-eating python Aghasura, the torrential rains and thunder generated from the wrath of Indra, the demons such as Aristasura and Vyomasura.”]

Indra tried to destroy Vraj with the sharp rain but Krsna protected Vrajavasis by lifting Giriraj Govardhan. Krsna cleaned the water of the Yamuna which was contaminated by the poison of Kaliya. All the demons, those who came to Vraj, Krsna protected us. So, the gopis were thinking, “Krsna, what He is saying, this maybe the truth. So we should not joke with Krsna”. So gopis proceeded to paid obeisances to Yamuna and requested “Hey! Yamuna-devi, if our beloved Govinda is pakka brahmacari, then give us path”. Then Yamuna’s current completely stopped. The water of Yamuna river coming completely receded. And Yamuna devi gave the path. And the gopis very easily crossed the Yamuna river and fed Durvasa Rsi prasad. 

So in this way, our sastra proved that Krsna is perfect brahmacari also. Brahmacari or not?

So now, coming in this way, if you read Srimad-Bhagavatam, Krsna-lila, sometimes you get confused how Krsna is brahmacari because He is stealing the clothes of the gopis, whole day He is playing with the gopis. Understand? He is embracing them, performing rasa dance, how is He a brahmacari? Nevertheless, there is also proof from sastra. Yamuna devi, She gave the path for the gopis. Sometimes Krsna told, “I am perfect brahmacari in Vraj”. Then gopis joked with Krsna, “You are what kind of brahmacari? You are a turak brahmacari.” Turak means “horse”. Horse brahmacari. If there is female horse, the male horse mind is very disturbed. If the male horse is alone, no female horse, that time that male horse’s mind is very calm and quiet. Understand? This our sastra saying. Gopis also saying. So that means, gopis told Krsna, “You are a brahmacari as like a turak brahmacari. When you are alone, with the sakhas that time You are brahmacari but when You are with us, then Your mind is disturbed”. So gopis, they told Krsna: “You are turak brahmacari, horse brahmacari”. 

So in this way, there are many lilas going on. If you read Srimad-Bhagavatam or our Gosvamis’ rasa-grantha, there are many things, then you will understand that it is very difficult to also reconcile Krsna-lila. If you have no vast of knowledge about the scriptures, it is very difficult to reconcile about Krsna-lila. How Krsna is perfect brahmacari? So now, why I am saying? This is because Mahaprabhu’s lila is very sweet. No doubts will arise. If you know a little bit about Mahaprabhu’s lila, your mind will be overjoyed and completely absorbed in it. Understand ? For this regard, Srila Vrndavana dasa Thakura explained, smara Gaura – always you remember to Gaura-katha, Gaura-nama, Gaura-lila-katha. 

Because Caitanya Mahaprabhu is acting a role as a sadhaka. He is Bhagavan, but He is acting the role of bhakta, bhakta-bhagavan. He is chanting the holy names. Krsna did not chant the holy names. Mahaprabhu is chanting the holy names. Mahaprabhu three times [per day] He chanted gayatri mantra. Three times [per day] Mahaprabhu took bath in the Ganges. Putting tilak. Chanting gayatri mantra. Always following the instruction of His superiors. Mahaprabhu lila – very sweet. All the rules and regulations of varnasrama-dharma Mahaprabhu followed. Understand? Brahmacari-lila, then grhasta-lila, then sannyas-lila. Mahaprabhu’s lila is very sweet. 

Gadadhara Pandit is a very learned scholar, and also an associate of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu. Gadadhara is always staying with Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu. Even in Mahaprabhu’s Navadvip-lila, he was staying with Mahaprabhu and Mahaprabhu’s sannyas-lila in Jagannath Puri. 

One time, a very learned scholar, Ballabhacarya met Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu. Ballabhavacarya was a very learned scholar and proud of his knowledge. Mahaprabhu always gave respect to him. Once, Balavacarya told Mahaprabhu, “I cut the philosophy of Sridhara Swamipad”. Actually, in our Srimad-Bhagavatam, the first and ancient commentary is by Srila Sridhar Swamipad. When Mahaprabhu heard this, with very sweet words He chastised him. When Ballabhacarya, “I cut the arguments of Sridhar Swamipad”. Then, in a simple manner, Mahaprabhu said, “svāmī nā māne yei jana veśyāra bhitare tāre kariye gaṇana” (Sri Chaitanya-Charitamrta, Antya-lila 7.115) – “One who does not follow the instruction of her husband, she is called prostitute”. 
prabhu hāsi' kahe,--"svāmī nā māne yei jana
veśyāra bhitare tāre kariye gaṇana"
(Chaitanya-Charitamrta, Antya-lila 7.115)
prabhu—Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu; hāsi'-smiling; kahe—said; svāmī—husband; nā māne—does not accept; yei jana—anyone who; veśyāra bhitare—among the prostitutes; tāre—him; kariye gaṇana—I count.

["Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu smilingly replied, "One who does not accept the svāmī[husband] as an authority I consider a prostitute."]

That means, if you don’t follow the instruction of Sridhar Swamipad, “swami” means “husband”. Swami and Sridhar Swamipad, all of you follow me (Gurudev referring to himself, swami – joking as well as stressing the point of Mahaprabhu using the word, “swami”) so all of you are bogus. svāmī nā māne yei jana veśyāra bhitare tāre kariye gaṇana (Sri Caitanya-caritamrta, Antya-lila 7.115). Mahaprabhu told this. Then Ballabhacarya’s mind was very disturbed, “My God! Mahaprabhu, what is He saying?” Then again Ballabhacarya came and met with Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu. He admitted that he was very proud of his knowledge because he was a very learned scholar, pandit. 
āmi ajña jīva,--ajñocita karma kailuṅ
tomāra āge mūrkha āmi pāṇḍitya prakāśiluṅ
(Chaitanya-Charitamrta, Antya-lila, 7.126)
āmi—I; ajña jīva—a foolish living being; ajña-ucita—fit for a fool; karma—activity; kailuṅ—I have done;tomāra āge—before You; mūrkha—a fool; āmi—I; pāṇḍitya prakāśiluṅ—have tried to demonstrate learning.

Then he told requested to Mahaprabhu, “Prabhu, give very nice beautiful explanation of Krsna-nama”. Then Mahaprabhu explained, “kṛṣṇa-nāmera bahu artha nā māni śyāma-sundara' 'yaśodā-nandana,'--ei-mātra jāni (Caitanya-caritamrta, Antya-lila,7.85) - I know only the meanings of Krsna, Yasoda-nandana, Syamasundara ei matra jani. Krsna-nama means, He is the Son of Nanda-Yasoda. Yasoda-nandan and Syamasundar. Kṛṣṇa-nāmera bahu artha nā māni śyāma-sundara' 'yaśodā-nandana,'--ei-mātra jāni (Caitanya-caritamrta, Antya-lila,7.85). The meaning of Krsna is that He is the Son of Mother Yasoda, Yasoda-nandan, and Syamasundar”. In this way, Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu very sweetly chastised Ballabhacarya. And Ballabhacarya was very proud because who has vast of knowledge, he thought, “O, I know everything”.
prabhu kahe,--"kṛṣṇa-nāmera bahu artha nā māni
"śyāma-sundara' 'yaśodā-nandana,'--ei-mātra jāni
(Chaitanya-Charitamrta, Antya-lila 7.85
prabhu kahe—Lord Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu replied; kṛṣṇa-nāmera—of the holy name of Kṛṣṇa; bahuartha—many meanings; nā māni—I do not accept; śyāma-sundara—Śyāmasundara; yaśodā-nandana—Yaśodānandana; ei-mātra—only this; jāni—I know.

["Lord Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu replied, "I do not accept many different meanings for the holy name of Kṛṣṇa. I know only that Lord Kṛṣṇa is Śyāmasundara and Yaśodānandana. That's all I know.']

Once, Ballabhavacarya was sitting with Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu and all of Mahaprabhu’s parikar were sitting there such as Advaita Acarya, Gadadhara Pandit, Nityananda, Svarup Damodar, Raya Ramananda, Rupa Gosvamipad, Sanatan Gosvamipad and even Haridas Thakur. All they surrounded Him. Then Mahaprabhu began to glorify His parikar one by one. Mahaprabhu, “Look, this is Sanatan, a very learned scholar. No one can defeat him. He knows all Veda, Purana, sastra and everything”. He looked at Gadadhar and then Mahaprabhu continued, “This is Rūpa Gosvamipad. He wrote very nice beautiful grantha Bhakti-rasamrta-sindhu, ‘Ujjval-nilamani’ and all rasa-grantha”. Here, Nityananda Prabhu, Saksad Bhagavan. And this is Advaita Acarya, who is the combined form of Sadasiv and Maha-Visnu. Not an ordinary person”. He glorified like this. “Gadadhar, oh, he is excellent! How he speaks hari-katha.” 

Then Ballabhacarya realized, “My God! Those who are the associates of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu are perfect!” Gadadhar is the direct manifestation of Srimati Radhika. And when Gadadhar, Himself reads Srimad-Bhagavatam, Gopi-gita, Brahmar-gita, beautiful explanation is given. Who can explain this way? So, when Ballabhacarya heard these things and also saw all the parikaras of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu are learned scholar on everything. Then Ballabhacarya, in front of them admitted, “Hamsa yadev makat yatha (Brhad-aranyaka Upanishad)”. That means, he is like a crane in front of the swans. So, then Ballabhacarya said, “Oh! At first I was thinking that I am very learned and scholarly person but I am looking at all of the associates of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu, how they are so learned scholar”. Ballabhacarya was very proud. For this regard, Gadadhar was avoiding Ballabhacarya. The reason is because Gadadhar’s mind is always calm and quiet, doesn’t want to speak “Bla bla bla bla”. Unlike Ballabhacarya who wants to express his scholarly abilities. Gadadhar, actually realised that Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu internally did not like him, Ballabhacarya because he has so much pride. He said, “I know, bla bla bla bla”. Little learning is a dangerous thing (English proverb). Little bit learning coming, knowledge coming, you are thinking I know everything. Then he speaks to the innocent people and they are accepting it because they are simple people. They never heard of these things but they are thinking, “Oh! Maybe he is very learned scholar”. So the English are saying in this way, “Little learning is a dangerous thing”. Innocent people don’t know what he is speaking but they are thinking: “Oh this is true, this is true”. 

So in this way, Gadadhar is a little bit scared of Ballabhacarya because Gadadhara realized, “If I associate too much with Ballabhacarya, maybe Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu will not be pleased with me”. Later on, Ballabhacarya realized that Gadadhar is a high class exalted devotee. Our sastras stated that Ballabacarya finally also took diksha from Gadadhar Pandit. He now realized that madhurya-rasa is the topmost rasa. Before, he was thinking that vatsalya-rasa was higher but when he heard the sweet pastimes of Krsna’s madhurya-lila-katha, these things, then he actually took diskha from Gadadhar Pandit. However, some in Ballabhacarya’s line do not believe but this is true. The followers of Ballabhacarya sampradaya do not believe that Balbavacarya took diksha from Gadadhar Pandit because Ballabhacarya sampradaya, their rasa is called vatsalya-rasa. Their japa-mala is as like the udder of the cows. Vatsalya-bhava. Have you seen? If you go to Vrndavan, you will see the followers of Ballabhacarya sampradaya and their japa-mala bead bags as like the udder of the cows or as like the mouth of the calf. This is vatsalya-bhava. If you go to Vrndavan, you will see this. Nonetheless, Ballabacarya’s son realized that there is some influence of Gaudiya sampradaya. So for this regard, syamasundara sikhanda-sekhara smera-hasa murali-manohara.

Very nice beautiful glorification of Srimati Radhika, madhurya-rasa composed by Balavacarya’s son, Shri Vithalacarya.
Syamasundara sikhanda sekhara
Smerahasa murali manohara
Radhika rasika mam krpa nidhe
Sva priya carana kinkarim kuru
(Shri Radha-Prarthana, Shri Vithalacarya)
kripayati yadi radha badhitashesha-badha
kim apara-vishishtam pushti-maryadayor me
yadi vadati ca kincit smera-hasodita-shrir
dvija-vara-mani-panktya mukti-shuktya tada kim (1)
["If Shrimati Radhika is merciful to me, then all obstacles to my devotion will be removed. There will be nothing more for me to attain because I will have received the fruits offered by the paths of both vaidhi-marga and raga-marga. And if She will speak to me while smiling gently, I will see Her brilliant rows of teeth which are like lines of priceless jewels. Having seen them one time, the goal of gaining liberation from material existence will be rendered insignificant."]
shyamasundara shikhanda-shekhara
smera-hasa murali-manohara
radhika-rasika mam kripa-nidhe
sva-priya-carana-kinkarim kuru (2)
["O Shyamasundara! O You whose head is adorned with peacock feathers! Your face is always graced with a playful smile, Your flute-playing is enchanting, and You are expert in relishing rasa with Shrimati Radhika. Because You are an ocean of mercy, I am appealing to You to please make me a kinkari (maidservant) at the feet of Your beloved."]
radhika-pada-tale krita-sthitim
tvam bhajami rasikendra-shekhara (3)
["You are the Lord of the life of the daughter of Vrishabhanu Maharaja and are like a bee who is always eager to taste the nectar of Her lips. O Rasika-shekhara, foremost of those who are rasika! I don’t desire anything other than to always reside at the feet of Shrimati Radhika."]
samvidhaya dashane trinam vibho
prarthaye vraja-mahendra-nandana
astu mohana tavati-vallabha
janma-janmani mad-ishvari priya (4)
["O Nanda-nandana! O all-pervading Prabhu! O You who enchant my mind, and indeed, the minds of all! Taking a piece of straw in my teeth, my humble entreaty to You is that She, who is the love of Your life, will remain my dear worshipable goddess birth after birth."]

Gaudiya sampradaya’s conception is the highest, conjugal mood, and especially paramour mood, these things. This is true, our mood is very high class and the highest mood. 

Gadadhara Pandit told Caitanya Mahaprabhu, “I am chanting mantra but no stimulation is coming to my heart, sphurti”. Stimulation is not coming. If you chant the mantra, if your heart is neat and clean, then stimulation will come in your heart. All mantra, gayatri-mantra. The reason is because you are chanting the mantra in a proper way. There are five processes to chant mantra. You read “Bhajan-rahasya”, it is explained in this way. In “The Jewels of the Heart”, if you read “The Jewels of the Heart”, everything is there, all grantha is there. How stimulation will come. Mantrartha-cintanam. Try to remember the meaning of the mantra, nyaya samudra, prapatti (process of total surrender to God), saranagati, atma-nivedana, these are the five types of how to chant the mantra. Why I am saying these things? Because many are not chanting mantra, or maybe chanting mantra, how many times chanting mantra? Three times, four times? Three times. Sometimes devotees are not chanting also mantra. Everyday must chant gayatri-mantra. Even if your mind considers or not, chant. If you have no taste to take the medicine, you have to take medicine. Will you take medicine or not? 

Doctor told, “You have to take the medicine three times”. And you said, “No, mum, this medicine doesn’t taste good”. No, you have to take the medicine. Medicine has taste or not, you have to take it. In the same way, if you have no taste, come or not come, or mind fixed or not, anyhow you have to chant mantra. Mantra is as like medicine. When you wake up early in the morning, every day you have to chant gayatri-mantra. This is very important. If you are not chanting the gayatri-mantra, then how possible you will develop your bhajan and sadhan? You have to understand these things. 

Once, Gadadhar is doing this lila, human lila. He asked Caitanya Mahaprabhu, “I am chanting, but my sphurti is not coming, stimulation is not coming”. Then Mahaprabhu replied, “Maybe you did some offence, aparadha. So why no stimulation coming when chanting gayatri-mantra?” You need to understand these things, “What is the cause?” Then Gadadhara Pandit answered, “Prabhu, I don’t know what is the offense”. Then Mahaprabhu suggested, “Maybe you have told the meaning of this mantra to someone?” That time Gadadhara remembered, “Yes, one devotee came and asked what is the meaning of this gayatri-mantra, gopala-mantra, kama-gayatri, and I told”. Then Mahaprabhu confirmed, “Oh, this is the offense”. 

It is explained in sastra, the meaning of the mantra should only discuss between guru and his disciples, not any third person. Understand this. Some people I am giving the paper (upon taking diksha Gurudev provides a piece of paper with mantras to the initiatee) and showing, but this paper you should not show to anyone. There are some rules as prescribed in Hari-bhakti-vilasa. If guru gives the mantra paper to recite, that paper you should not show to anybody. 

Devotee: Even to those who already have diksha?

Gurudev: No, you should not show to anyone because the mantra only connects between guru and that particular disciple. Understand this matter because this is the rules of the mantra. Especially guru-mantra should not to discuss with anyone, only guru-mantra discuss with guru. One has to be very strict about guru-mantra. Understand this. Maybe sometimes with very high class, exalted devotee siksha-guru you can discuss, otherwise not. Because that time diksha-guru and siksha-guru are same. Understand this. Guru-mantra only discuss with guru. This is very important. Mantra is not an ordinary thing. Very mystic power is there. Only Shivaji can tell, Shivaji told every mantras to his Parvati devi. So this mantra is very powerful and only discuss mantra with guru. 

Gadadhar admitted, “Yes, I told these things. I explained the mantra to someone. So for this regard mantra sphurti is not manifesting in my heart. So what will I do now?” So Mahaprabhu advised, “Okay, you have to receive mantra again from guru”. Then Gadadhar requested, “Prabhu, you also explain to me”. Mahaprabhu declined, “No, you have to go to your diksha guru, Pundarik Vidyanidhi”. Mahaprabhu did not explain. He advised Gadadhar Pandit, “No, you have to go and listen to this mantra again from your guru, Pundarik Vidyanidhi”. Then Gadadhar went to Pundarik Vidyanidhi and listened the mantra again from him. This is very important. Mantra you should not, especially guru-mantra, other mantra little bit reaction, but guru-mantra is very very important. Understand this point. Guru-mantra is the centre of all other mantras. Guru-mantra only discuss with guru, not others. Understand this point. 

In this Gadadhar-lila, it is showing us how to respect guru, mantra, and how to keep it confidentially in your heart. 

When Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu was staying in Jagannath Puri in Gambhira, and Gadadhar was staying in Tota Gopinath. So the question arise. Gadadhar has so much love and affection to Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu. Why Gadadhar did not stay with Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu in Gambhira? Svarup Damodar, Raya Ramananda, Sikhi Mahiti, also Madhavi devi were there, why not Gadadhar? Actually this is very confidential matter. I will tell to you.

Gurudev told very nice. Caitanya Mahaprabhu is Krsna. He appeared in this Kali-yuga in form of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu and took Srimati Radhika’s complexion and Her mood. And to practice Srimati Radhika’s highest mood also. Two things, one is practical, another is theoretical. Mahaprabhu learned all these things, prema things from Svarup Damodar, Raya Ramananda also. Especially Raya Ramananda because in Krsna-lila he is Visakha devi. Visakha devi’s mood is the same mood of Srimati Radhika. Visakha devi and Srimati Radhika were born on the same day. Radhika’s mood and Visakha’s mood are very similar, so close. So Mahaprabhu is thinking, “I have to learn all Srimati Radhika’s mood from Visakha devi”.

So for this regard, Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu took sannyas and went to Jagannath Puri. Then He went to Godavari where He met with Raya Ramananda thereat. And He learned everything, all kinds of tattva and rasa, everything. That is called Raya Ramananda samvada, conversation between Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu and Raya Ramananda. Rasa-tattva, prema-tattva, all tattvas, Raya Ramananda had told is called theoretical. 

Then the practical aspect is going to Jagannath Puri and staying in Gambhira. That time various different types of mahabhava manifested in the heart of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu. Then Raya Ramananda and Svarup Damodar pacify to Him…. When Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu was completely absorbed in the separation mood of Srimati Radhika, that time Raya Ramananda pacified to Him.
rādhikāra bhāva yaiche uddhava-darśane
sei bhāve matta prabhu rahe rātri-dine
(Chaitanya-Charitamrta, Adi-lila 4.108)

rādhikāra—of Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī; bhāva—emotion; yaiche—just as; uddhava-darśane—in seeing ŚrīUddhava; sei—that; bhāve—in the state; matta—maddened; prabhu—Lord Caitanya Mahāprabhu; rahe—remains; rātri-dine—day and night.

["Just as Rādhikā went mad at the sight of Uddhava, so Lord Caitanya was obsessed day and night with the madness of separation."]

When Uddhava was in Vrndavan, he saw Radhika’s highest transcendental mood, that is called Uddhava-kyari. And in Gambhira, Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu absorbed Himself, “I am Radha and now My Beloved has left Me”. 
kāhāṅ mora prāṇa-nātha muralī-vadana
kāhāṅ karoṅ kāhāṅ pāṅ vrajendra-nandana
(Chaitanya-Charitamrta, Madhya-lila 2.15)
kāhāṅ—where; mora—My; prāṇa-nātha—Lord of the life; muralī-vadana—playing the flute; kāhāṅ—what; karoṅ—shall I do; kāhāṅ—where; pāṅ—I shall get; vrajendra-nandana—the son of MahārājaNanda.

["Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu used to express His mind in this way, "Where is the Lord of My life, who is playing His flute? What shall I do now? Where should I go to find the son of Mahārāja Nanda?"]

Mahaprabhu cried, “Where is my beloved Govinda? How to express My heart? Who can realise My heart and tell to Him?” Sometimes, Caitanya Mahaprabhu divyonmada, transcendental madness coming. Especially the last twelve years, Caitanya Mahaprabhu was in divyonmada-dosa, as like Srimati Radhika. 

Sometimes Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu wrapped His mouth, so much blood coming from His mouth, sometimes Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu scratching the earth searching, “Where is Krsna?” Sometimes Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu became as like a tortoise. Caitanya-caritamrta explained in this way. Kurma-krti. Kurma means ‘tortoise’. Sometimes, Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu became elongated, sometimes He also jumped from the wall of Gambhira and coming very close to the drain of Jagannath. I have explained briefly how Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s highest mood, Srimati Radhika’s mood, divyonmada-dosa, transcendental madness. Understand this. Sukadeva Gosvamipad did not explain Srimati Radhika’s these types of transcendental madness. 

Krsnadas Kaviraj Gosvami, Kasturi Manjari, explained about Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s these types of transcendental divyonmad-dosa. Sometimes Caitanya Mahaprabhu jumped from the wall of Gambhira and jumped into the water of the ocean floating towards Cakra-tirtha. The is due to Srimati Radhika’s transcendental madness, divyonmad-dosa, mahabhava-dosa. That means Krsna is practicing Srimati Radhika’s what kinds of mahabhava-dosa.

The question arises why Gadadhar is not staying there? Gadadhar is staying in Tota-Gopinath. Actually, Gurudev told very nice example. Caitanya Mahaprabhu is student and He is practicing the types of Srimati Radhika’s highest mood. And He learned everything from Svarupa Damodar and Raya Ramananda. In Ratha Yatra, Caitanya Mahaprabhu discussed with Svarup Damodar about this katha. Then Raya Ramananda samvada on the bank of Godavari, the conversation between Raya Ramananda and Caitanya Mahaprabhu. That is called theoretical – understand this. 

What is the practical aspect then? In Gambhira. That means they have to give examination to Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu in that place. The two tutors are there, Svarup Damodar and Raya Ramananda. And Gadadhar Pandit, Srimati Radhika, he is looking, how Mahaprabhu, Who is Krsna is taking the examination because this is the institution of divine love, aprakrta-prema. This is the prema college. In this prema college, the principal is Gadadhar Pandit who is Srimati Radhika Herself.  Svarup Damodar and Raya Ramananda, they are the two teachers. Two teachers are there. And Gadadhar is looking, that means Srimati Radhika is looking, “Krsna, He took My complexion and mood, but how, what is He doing now ?” And Gadadhar was obeserving how Krsna learned everything properly and how He is going through the examination. So, Gadadhar was observing Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu from afar, at the time of mahabhava what kinds of activities Caitanya Mahaprabhu was doing. In this way, Gadhadar Pandit was observing. 

The question is why Gadadhar did not stay with Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu and pacify Him? It is because Gadadhar is Srimati Radhika. Now, Caitanya Mahaprabhu is also acting the role of Srimati Radhika. Understand this. According Gurudev, Caitanya Mahaprabhu, meaning Krsna himself took Srimati Radhika’s mood. Does that mean Radhika’s mood is not Hers? No, still Radhika’s mood is with Her, and also that mood is going with Caitanya Mahaprabhu and Krsna. So Srimati Radhika’s divyonmada-dosa, transcendental madness is rising, and at that time if Gadadhar had stayed with Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu, how Srimati Radhika, or Gadadhara Pandit, would have pacified Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu? Not possible. Another thing, Gurudev gave an example and cleared our all doubts. 

In India, there was one lady whose husband just left his body. Her neighbour, a lady came over to pacify her. This is the nature. If your husband dies, at that time neighbours will be coming over to you. This is the nature of this material world, “Why are you crying?”, these things. Just few words you can speak and express your sentiments. In this way, the lady pacified the widow, who lost her husband. When that lady returned back to her own house, that same time her husband left body. Who will pacify her now ? Imagine this thing. You are completely stunned. Just looking, “Just as I pacified my neighbour, and the same thing happened in my house. What to do? How to pacify myself?” That time she was completely stunned and no words coming out from her mouth.

In the same way, this is going on. Caitanya Mahaprabhu is feeling separation from Krsna and absorbed in the mood of Srimati Radhika. Gadadhar is also feeling the same way, separation from Krsna. So, how will Gadadhar pacify Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu ? Not possible. For this regard, Yogamaya arranged in this way, that Gadadhar was staying in Tota-Gopinath, and Mahaprabhu was staying in Gambhira. However, everyday Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu used to go to Tota-Gopinath to listen hari-katha from the lotus lips of Gadadhara Pandit. 

And on the last day also, when Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu disappeared, He entered into the temple of Tota-Gopinath and He did not come out. This is the antardhan lila rasa of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu also. Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu entered into Tota-Gopinath and did not come back. Lord Caitanya Mahaprabu is Krsna Himself… Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu entered into the Gopinath temple, entered in Gopinath and did not come back. This is Mahaprabhu. So Gadadhar is staying in there and Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu is there also. Then after a couple months later, Gadadhar also departed from this material world.

Gadadhar disappearance day, in English, we are saying ‘new moon’. ‘No moon – new moon’ (laughing). Actually, there is no moon but they say new moon. English words sometimes this way, there is no moon, but they are saying, ‘new moon’ (laughs). In our language, we are saying Amavasya. In English words, ‘new moon’. Purnima they call ‘full moon’, this is okay, but how possible to say ‘new moon’ when there is no moon? There is no moon (Gurudeva laughs), completely dark. And saying ‘the new moon’, where is that new moon? No moon – new moon. 

Bolo Gadadhara Pandit ki jai! 

Jay Jay Sri Radhe! 

(Transcription and Compilation: Govinda Priya devi dasi - Lithuania and Janardan das - UK)